trust issues

So, this topic has been a long time coming. A very, very long time coming. It's the word "anxious".

I feel like it's a lighter case of the word "worried", but it still carries a similar root. Lack of trust.

Throughout the past couple of years post-college, I feel like the Lord has taken me through several seasons. Seasons I would never have expected for myself, but they were perfect in timing and catalysts for my spiritual growth. During these times, I would love to say that I walked through the trials with patience, resting in the unknown, but I would be a big, fat liar.

I wrestle with the idea of patience, a waiting room, unclear answers, and not knowing the next step in life. I am a control freak.. which has always been true, I've justified it in my mind in a lot nicer terms. I like to know whats happening now, what will happen tomorrow, how I can plan for that, and it's not possible.

When I get caught up in these thoughts, I am revealing a complete lack of trust in the Lord. I had a great conversation with my dad last night when he reminded me of hindsight. He told me to think back to where I was a year ago: confused on what I wanted to do in life, desiring to one day be a wife and have a family, but knowing I couldn't just wait on that to happen. The Lord has been ever-faithful. He has guided each step in ways I would have never thought for myself. However, He is better. He knows the way I take.

Recently, I've been anxious about landing a teaching job for the fall: where it is going to be, am I going to be able to manage a classroom. This anxiety will not add anything to life, except take joy. I'm praying that my heart rest in this uncertainty, in the Lord's quiet presence. I'm reminded of one of my favorite verses in Job. Think about this, Job, a man that lived a life that was blameless that the Lord challenged the enemy to tempt him. Job lost everything. I am comforted, because even Job felt like the Lord was silent. However, I love Job's response:

"Behold, I go forward, but He is not there, and backward, but I do not perceive Him; on the left hand when He is working, I do not behold Him; He turns to the right hand, but I do not see Him. But He knows the way that I take; when He has tried me, I shall come out as gold." - Job 23:8-10

May we rest in this. Give up the control struggle. Stop trying to be in the know. Just rest in the Lord's burden.. for His yoke is easy and His burden is light.