closure

today is the last official day of my internship. official being, the internship program is done at Tom Landry, but since i go to a&m and they require ridiculous amounts of hours i still have two more days. in honor of closure and finishing this chapter of my life i thought i would honor those people i have worked with the past 3 months.

the gorgeous 7 acre park with a running trail. so beautiful and relaxing. my first friday here on my 22nd birthday we had a huge employee appreciation picnic in this park. imagine 6000 Baylor employees, circus clowns, rap music, food, and picture buttons. entertaining to say the least.

here is personal training at its best:) this is the sweetest old man who let us take a picture of him during his workout. we goof around a lot and let me tell you this was quite the funny pic.

here is the actual facility. beautiful beautiful. lots of laughter, practical jokes, and fun.

this is becca. one of the interns. her face sums up our experience together. we are goofy, hilarious, and lots of fun. we laugh at least once a day and all come from such different backgrounds. the Lord has stretched me so much this summer and shown me how to love others who are different than i am. one of the interns is an outspoken atheist, and i have loved being able to talk to all of them and hopefully show them a different love, the love of Christ, that transcends all knowledge.

here is christina. the other girl intern. we went to the Texas Rangers game followed by an Eli Young concert. such a blast. this summer has been a gift and i have loved every second of it. the Lord knew where He had me and i know this next stage of life is going to be adventure.

i'm going to stop. i'm getting super sentimental. just some insight into my life over the past couple months. peace.

changes. ch ch changes.

So, i'm feeling really broken right now. i just keep crying a whole lot and can't stop. Did you ever go through a time like that?? I cried on the way to work, cried on the way to Starbucks, started crying walking into tom landry this morning.. i'm feeling incredibly broken right now and it's a beautiful thing but so hard too. i have been praying or just thinking about how i have wanted the Lord to soften my heart and make it weak to His touch. I want to love what He loves, strive for what matters, and see daily, minute by minute, the opportunities He has laid out before me. i just can't stop crying and i think that's also a mixture of exhaustion as well as brokenness.

I am starting to realize more and more how much this life is pressed for time. time is an issue for everyone. "Oh, I just can't do that. I don't have enough time." "Wow. I'm just way too busy. Sorry." "I'm exhausted right now. I just don't have the time to do that." Everyone is busy in their own mind. We all think that what we have is more important than someone else. Its so selfish and sickening to say that, but it is so true. I realize, even more recently, that the more my time gets squeezed, sometimes the harder it is to say no to people I care about and make time for reading and alone time. Even when i want to read, sometimes i get a sudden case of ADD where i can't focus and i can't open my Bible. Or there is the other extreme when all of a sudden I just want to diagnose myself with a bad case of narcolepsy. Either way, I see how important and vital my time is with my growth as a woman hoping to become more like Him. With this importance, it is evident that the enemy wants to distract, busy, and attack any attempt of time pursuing Him. I have felt this and I'm sure you have to at some point or another. Just some thoughts on struggles recently..

Speaking of busy times, this month is going to be crazy. I feel as if I'm not going to even stop and have a chance to process all of the changes. (cue music "changes.. ch ch changes") I will list you out just what it looks like:

*6 more days of internship, including presentation to the entire staff on Thursday.
*Drive to College Station and final presentation as well as portfolio. (Monday-Tuesday)
*Drive back the next day and move into my new apartment:) (Wednesday)
*Drive back to College Station the next day (Thursday) and get ready for graduation.
*Graduate 9 a.m. from Texas A&M. College = Officially over.
*Family Surprise Weekend Getaway (Friday afternoon through Sunday evening)
*Drive back to Dallas with Jay and Meg (Sunday)
*Start training at Equinox, the real world J-O-B (Wednesday)

So, all of this rambling, and yes it was rambling. Maybe my ADD carried over from my quiet time. Anyways, all of this to say, pray for me in this time. Hopefully, I will process all of this eventually. And if you see me and I might seem a little out of it, just know either i'm ADD or just going through a lot:)

the new life.

wow. all i can say is wow. i went home this weekend to lubbock to spend some time with the family, a much needed break from the "real" world. it is so crazy to see life flying by and the aging process so evident and so clear. this weekend it hit me: i am now officially an adult. as one of my best friends from high school would say: "we're in the decade of marriage and mortgages". this past month has been filled with a lot of changes and surprises. one of which being that i am going to be an AUNT and could not be more excited!!! however, it was the strangest thing this weekend sitting around the dinner table coming up with names for my parents to be called. they are going to be grandparents and my grandparents are going to be great grandparents and all i can think while we're talking about all of this is: i still feel like i'm 16. i can't believe life, time, memories, years have passed us by so fast. it is such a reality check and goes to show that we are not here for forever. i am 22 years old, applying for full time jobs, looking to start a career and support myself and the question i keep on asking myself is "Lord, where's the next step?" life is passing by fast and as i sat at home this weekend getting the run down on benefits and compensation packages, i realized that the Lord is constant. He is faithful. His grace is sufficient, and He is everything i need. our time here is limited, and you never know how long you are going to be here. so, what am i doing today? how am i viewing my life? what's my perspective? my brother gave me great advice.. whose lenses are you looking through on a daily basis? and the truth is i'm usually looking through mine. i am so sickened by my selfishness and the fact that i see how others may serve me or what's going to benefit me most. how much more beautiful it is to see the Lord a part of every aspect of life whether it be in your relationships and conversations at work or serving your roommates without them knowing. i don't know about y'all but i am a huge and total mess. i stink at being disciplined. i'm so selfseeking in so many ways, but you know what that is what is so beautiful about grace. it is not something to take as a license but yet to live freely in. this time in my life is so uncertain, and it is so hard to trust and be patient with where the next phase of my life will be going. all i know is that He is good, He has never left me nor betrayed me. He has me in His Hand and is holding on tight. what a beautiful journey this next step is...